My Successful Failure at Studying Japanese
Japanese culture has repeatedly appeared through various little interests of mine over the years. I’ve greatly enjoyed some manga and anime, with One Piece being a part of my life for over a decade now. I find great resonance in Zen teachings. Japanese aesthetics are stunning, and its gardens and prints are some of the prettiest things I’ve ever seen. So, when I saw ‘Modern Japan - History and Culture’ at a second-hand book store, I grabbed it.
Since grammar classes in school learning a language seemed kind of ¯\(°_o)/¯, but life has its ways. Around ten months ago I was grumpy on the train after a not-so-good day, looking for a fun distraction. Probably with the Japan history book in mind, I downloaded Duolingo to learn some Japanese.
This rash decision sent me down a spiral. I quickly quit Duolingo in favor of a three-month course, private lessons, various SRS programs, and many other resources. Whatever time I had for myself was now dedicated to that beautiful language.
I decided this was the right time to visit Japan and put everything I learned to the test. A flight was booked, and I kept on studying.
Two months before the trip I finished my role at work and found myself with much anticipated spare time. Shortly after, I went to France and Canada for a month-long trip. At first, I was practicing vocabulary abroad, but at some point, I stopped. The plan was to double down on Japanese once I got back.
I got back and did everything else but study. It made no sense. I’ve waited for so long to have this much spare time. Why stop now?
Motivation as a mirror
From the start, it was clear this wasn’t about mastering Japanese. It was about having fun, about quirky grammatical concepts, about the beauty of kanji. As time progressed it was hard to believe I maintained this level of persistence just for the sake of it, and so I grew attached to other reasonings. “I’m doing this for the Japan trip”. “Wouldn’t it be amazing if I could read manga in Japanese?”.
During my month at home between Canada and Japan I was baffled. Where did my enormous drive vanish? Why can’t I do anything to stop the hard-earned knowledge from disappearing? I tried to force myself. One time I set a timer for one hour of study but ended up stopping it early. It was then I realized once again I never had a goal in the first place. It was fun while it lasted, and now it’s time to let go and move on. 仕方がない.
A delightful stroll to nowhere in particular
Was everything in vain?
In an obvious and meaningful way, it was. After hundreds of hours of effort, I didn’t gain a truly useful skill. I can’t communicate in Japanese or read most texts. It’s frustrating and will likely hinder me from learning languages in the future.
With that in mind, it was worth it without a doubt. Above all, I had so much fun during those countless hours, that shouldn’t be overlooked. Fragmented as it is, a lot of what was learned remains. In addition, I learned a lot about Japan’s culture and history, and I’ve had a fascinating dive into linguistics – a topic I used to dislike.
I’ll continue to pursue my passions and motivations, mischievous and unpredictable as they may be.
